Is Your Antenna Up? ... What is Your Parenting Style?

(OK, for those of you who don't recognize the image here ... they were called 'rabbit ears' back in the 'dark ages!' ... I will now choose to ignore the fact that I just dated myself, and will start right in to my article ...)



I don't know about you, but I believe that we have a tendency to make the simplest things in life so darn difficult! Parenting is one of those things ... and, well, perhaps it is at the top of my list because I am a Parenting Coach; however, it does seem to be a very common issue. With that said, I think it is important for us to acknowledge that we are all just doing the best that we can. And, for those of you who are looking for ways to improve that, kudos! Your antenna is up, and you are tuned in ... so, what exactly are you supposed to be listening for?

If you are like me, 'information overload' does one main thing ... it shuts me down. Once my brain gets over stimulated, it seems like there is no returning to rational thinking. As a result, I like to break things down into a simple formula, with a clear goal at the end.

Perhaps our goal here should be to merely get to know the different types of parenting, and try to fit yourself into one of those categories. Once you do so, you can then decide if that is where you want to be; if not, you can see what you might want to do differently in order to get the results you'd like to see in your child.

That might sound simple enough until you begin researching ... Well, I've done a little of that, and simplified it so that I could apply it to real life instead of the clinical studies. Here's what I've come up with:

While psychologists have designated three main types of parenting (Authoritarian, Permissive and Authoritative) in real life, we see that some parents are a combination of 2 or all 3, given the circumstances. Sometimes, you will have different methods between parents under the same roof, or with a split family.

This morning, during a radio interview, the show's host asked me the difference between Authoritative Parenting and Positive Parenting. I thought this would be a good time to lay this one out for a quick read. By definition, Authoritative Parenting is basically a form of Positive Parenting.

It is not my goal to debate parenting skills here. Again, instead, I am merely outlining the information, and giving you pause for thought.

Of the three types of parenting styles, the Authoritarian parent typically enforces strict rules with no input from children, their emphasis is primarily on bad as opposed to good behavior, and punishment is usually severe. Children rarely receive rave reviews for good behavior and may tend to have low self-esteem or may turn out to be very aggressive later in life.

Permissive Parenting is where parents let children have free rein; rules made are not consistently adhered to, and the parent gives freedom to the child without proper guidelines on what is right or wrong. As a result, children may find it difficult to follow rules in a different environment like school.

Authoritative Parenting is where the parents set rules and involve their children in making those rules. They reinforce good behavior (rewarding it), while correcting in a positive vs. focusing on repercussions of bad behavior. They monitor their child’s behavior closely, finding opportunities to "catch" good behavior as often as possible, and they communicate in a clear manner what is expected from the child so they understand the difference between good and bad behavior.

Again, Authoritative Parenting is really just a good example of positive parenting. With this approach, children tend to grow up with appropriate behavior ingrained in them, which helps enable them to fit in most environments and perform well in whatever they undertake. They also demonstrate traits like honesty, respect, and integrity, and are less likely to break rules. Benefits of positive parenting are clearly important in molding children to live up to their full potential and become worthy members of society. These are characteristics of a child with high self-esteem.

As a Certified Self-Esteem and Parenting Coach, I can go on and on about the benefits of raising a child with high self-esteem; however, the purpose of this article was merely an opportunity to get your wheels spinning and raise your antenna a little more. Once you are able to tune in to what is going on around you, and examine how you are reacting, you can choose whether or not adjustments are needed to help ensure that you will get the results you are hoping for.

When you are satisfied with those results, you've got a happy child, and well ... that makes for a happy parent!

Here's to happy parenting~

;-Debbie

No More Pencils; No More Books ... Well, Sort Of~

As if the end of the school year isn't enough awesomeness for students ... how about making it more special for them? Look, they don't have to know that this is also a little scheme to keep them busy and out of your hair for a while now that they are home for summer break! (We'll keep that as our little secret!)

Yes, this little project is going to occupy them for a while; however, the true purpose is to create golden keepsake memories of this school year. Although their rooms are no doubt filled with mementos and souvenirs from fun times had, this will be their own personal recollection, from their eyes, from their hearts, and yes ... from their minds. It is a sneaky way to keep the mental wheels turning during break.

If you are a regular reader of my articles and posts, you know that my method of engaging little brains is to give them a subject that lights up their eyes, and makes their heart sing. We've got to make it personal to them, and it's got to be fun ... after all, this is summer; this is break time; this is the 'no work zone' for the brain ... yeah, right. Don't worry, they are easier to trick than we sometimes think.

It is good to do this early in the break while their memories are fresher, and while their level of excitement is high. No doubt they are excited about summer, and trust me, there is a lot of talk right now amongst them and their friends about every event that occurred this school year. This is a fabulous way to capture that excitement and passion!

Depending on your child's age and your schedules, this can be accomplished in phases or all at once. Either way, here is a brief outline from which you can work. I love outlines because they give a little direction while allowing creative freedom! In fact, I love outlines so much that the entire project is built around one :).

• First, ask your child to list out some memorable events from this school year whether it was as big as the prom, or as small as a sleepover. There really are no small memories when they involve fun times or matters of the heart.
• Ask them to arrange those memories in order of when they happened, creating a sort of timeline. Each event at this point should be numbered in outline form, as each one will be the title for that category.
• Then ask your child go through, and under each category title, bullet out (A,B,C…) certain details from each event. It is most effect in this phase to only use one word to quickly jot down seedlings of ideas.
• Next, they will go through the outline, beginning at the top, and turn each bulleted item in to a sentence.
• Later, they can sequentially turn each sentence into a paragraph.
• Eventually, it will become apparent that this ‘outline’ is turning into a book.

You see what we did there? ... Yep, we just helped them write a book about this school year, and what they learned personally. This is a book about their personal growth this year, from their heart, through their eyes. It will help the lessons sink in, too, because they don't really know that it is part of the purpose here. This is much better that the class yearbook, yes?

Now you can simply keep this in raw form, or you can go to whatever extent you choose to bind it professionally. I’ve got plenty of input here if you’d like … just feel free to contact me and I’ll be more than happy to share my thoughts and experience with you. However, if this is as far as the project gets, know that you’ve accomplished a few pretty important things already.

Your child used his/her brain (both left AND right … which makes me happy!), they relived memories which are important, they memorialized some big events as well as some ‘small’ happenings which could be huge turning points, this helped some important lessons sink in, and (last but not least!) they were busy (AKA out of your hair!). This is not just a great way to turn idle moments into productive time spent for today, it creates golden memories for tomorrow … in keepsake form!

This just might be the way you choose to begin each summer from now on! Regardless, make certain you enjoy today's moments with your kids, soon these mementos will be all that's left of their childhood!

;-Debbie

Creative Parenting ~ Motivation Marathon

You are invited to this FREE Motivation Marathon on Saturday, 11-June-11. As one of the 8 panelists, I am honored and excited to bring you some of the most comprehensive self-help tips and techniques in one place!

My topic is Creative Parenting; my goal is to help bring a balance to your professional life and your personal life. We will discuss how to accomplish some of the most important components of parenting using fun, effective exercises that can be integrated into your everyday life!

You don't have to 'find' the time or spend a dime to build a better relationship with your kids! My proven techniques will help you live more authentically and happier while helping you pass the same techniques along to your children. Isn't that what parenting should be?

Now, let's project out several years from today ... Don't you want to look back upon these days with fond memories as you watch your kids live a successful and fulfilled life? And you smile as you reflect because you know that things turned out this way because of your desire and ability to design authentic paths through open communication and mutual respect with your kids.

Join us for the first annual Motivation Marathon and learn how to design and pave that path while putting the fun back in parenting.

Speaking of fun ... here is a fun little acronym I use to describe parenting from my perspective ... and hopefully through the eyes of my kids when they look back at me:

Proud
And
Respectful
Encouraging
Never judgmental
Trusting

That's about all any of us can hope for, yes?

;-Deb