Extracurricular Activity Overload~

This post was inspired by a listener of one of my weekly radio segments in Newfoundland. A mother wrote to the show's host asking about her 11 year old daughter who wants to sign up for everything; sports, music, art, any lesson or extracurricular activity she hears about she wants to try. The problem is that she never sticks to anything. At first the mother thought she just hadn’t found her “niche” yet, but after dozens of classes and thousands of dollars, she just can’t keep this up. Can we help?

My answer ... Yes! We can help here, but let's take a deep breath to help ease the frustration before we examine some simple solutions that might be being blocked by the haze of the overload.

OK, so you know that it is music to my ears when a child expresses an interest in extracurricular activities … especially those of an artsy nature! However, we must be just as sensitive to activity-overload as we are to coach potatoes who don't want to try anything!

It is important to help ‘round out' our children without burning them out. And yet it is not always easy to strike a healthy balance while doing so. We will address the issue of encouraging a 'disinterested' child in a future segment; for now, we will answer this mom, and try to find creative ways to get to the root of why her daughter wants to try so many different activities. And, just as important, why she doesn't want to stick with her commitment to pursue them.

You know that I love the toddler mentality which always asks, "WHY? WHY? WHY?" … The reason I love it so much is that it represents a natural and yet-unbiased curiosity which helps children learn, form and grow through the answers they get.

Exploration builds imagination which results in creativity. So, let's explore just a select few possible reasons, imagine what it might be like for this young lady, and then get creative as parents ... looking for answers to every "WHY?"

In this instance, this mom might find that her daughter's desire to enroll in so many activities stems from peer pressure. It could also be from a need to fit in to a particular group (band, chorus, cheer leading, etc.), you know that need for acceptance is so important in formative years … It could also very well be that ‘not fitting in’ to that particular group creates a lack of confidence resulting in a beeline to the exit door.

Often, a lack of self-confidence builds a downward spiral when a child finds that something is not coming easily to them. If this is the case, there are two angles I'd like to examine here; one is the fact that building her self-esteem can help in bigger ways than you can imagine (more on that later), and the second is to focus on nurturing something at which she is good at doing.

That second one is important because we tend to shy away from that which we do best since it comes too easily to us, and so we discount it. We often feel that if we are good at something, it must be common to everyone. That is not so; in fact, that at which we are good is usually our greatest gift meant to be shared with the rest of the world.

Here is where self-esteem building is critical. We must find ways to let our children know that they are great at something. This does not mean building false hopes; instead, be real about acknowledging their greatness, and also teach them to laugh when they flop. I believe that one of the most important things I taught my sons is to laugh at themselves first, before anyone else does because two things are certain; one, someone WILL laugh at you, and two, it won't hurt so bad because you already beat them to it ... At that point it's old news, right? ... And so you move on.

As parents, when we tell our children that they are good at something, we are often met with resistance because we are their parents, and they feel that we are 'supposed' to tell them how great they are. This is partly true; however, instead of telling them only with our words, we must demonstrate to them how and why they are great at _______.

I find that using other people in similar circumstances as examples is helpful because a third-party approach tends to remove the personal feelings and emotions from the situation. Sometimes that's best done in reverse by pointing out how they would not be perceived as _______ if they were not great at ________.

When a loving parent is doing more than puffing up their chest and simply telling their child how great they are, but instead, is pointing out facts in a conversation, it gives the child something to think about ... and they will ... on their own. There is no need for a response from your child here. (This is the point where you can leave them alone to do that thinking.)

No hovering, please~

Revisit the subject on a separate occasion. There is no need to try and get it all in during one conversation ... In fact, that is a sure-fire way to get them to tune out completely, and you will lessen your chances of ever being heard.

This approach builds independent thinking skills and self-esteem. Since the three main ingredients to building self-esteem are empathy, forgiveness and gratitude it helps to highlight these in your conversations. Show empathy for the field-goal kicker who had an entire game resting on his shoulders, only to miss the goal in the last seconds of the game. Instead of trash-talking, show forgiveness if this happened with YOUR team. And show gratitude for the points he did score in the game.

Similarly, when you interject these into your own daily activities with your child, and with your own personal and professional pitfalls and accomplishments, you are clearly demonstrating that this is real life, and this is how you successfully navigate through. This will instill self-esteem.

No matter what else you do, the most important element in developing self-esteem in your child is to be the example; walk, talk, do everything with empathy, forgiveness and gratitude.

That is a recipe for success for everyone! And it will help your child find their 'niche' a little more quickly, and on their own, yet with your loving support.

You know how I know this will work? Simple ... just look at how well you've done so far. Your child is great at many things, and I'd like you to take a moment to write down just a few of them ... Go ahead, write. OK, I'll accept just thoughtfully pondering it in your head.

I'll wait while you do so ...

I know that you've got a pretty good list going there, and you see, those things didn't just 'happen' ... It is not a coincidence that your child has so many great qualities; it is because of what you have done so far. You are better than you give yourself credit for, or you would not be worried so much about this, right?

Now, go do something wonderful for you ... to acknowledge and celebrate your great parenting skills. Sip a cup of your favorite tea, soak in a bubble bath, or call a friend you haven't laughed with in a while.

Have the confidence that because you are a great parent, this too shall turn out well. And if it becomes more than manageable, I know that you are smart enough to know, yet I will give you this gentle, loving reminder: seek outside help. Great and successful people have coaches, therapists and counselors to help them achieve greater success.

I believe in you~

Love,
Mama ;-Deb

How to Switch From Vacation Brain to School Mode

Transitioning kids from summer fun to a school year structure does not have to be difficult!

With the anticipation of a new school year comes the rites of passage that go along with stepping up a grade, or walking into a new class or school, or perhaps even starting school for the first time ever. So often, we focus on the ceremony of shopping for a new wardrobe, backpack, binders and markers, but we forget that we should spend some time acclimating our kids' minds for the classroom environment.

This doesn't mean we should hold mock school sessions at home for a month prior to the first day of school; we can ease their minds into 'school mode' without them even realizing it. You simply have to prepare a little and before you know it, you'll be slipping lessons into your everyday functions and passing them off as mere fun! Isn't it a delicious thought to be able to fool your kids into learning something? Well, it might be way easier than you thought possible.

The three most important things to remember are:
1. Make it fun!
2. Make it Fun!!
3. Make it FUN!!!

The fourth thing … dab their baby toe in first ... ease them back in ~ and yes, MAKE IT FUN!

Below are some quirky yet entertaining brain exercises for every age group.

Young kids:
• A trip to the ice cream stand(!) … or their favorite restaurant! … Woo-Hoo!… hold on, there is one caveat: everyone must only use their non-dominant hand (if you are right-handed, you must eat with your left hand and vice-versa).
• Folks at your neighboring tables might think you are nuts; however, those with kids will thank you when you explain what you are doing.
Benefit: This is a great exercise to engage both sides of the brain to get them working together to prepare for the transition to school-brain.

Tweens:
• Of course, most tweens will also enjoy a trip to the ice cream stand or their favorite restaurant to eat with their non-dominant hand. However, we might need something a bit more challenging at this age level.
• If that is the case, play some fun word gameswith them to get their brain juices flowing. For instance, have them try to say their name backwards, then have them spell it backwards. Still using their name as the template for brain engaging fun, challenge them to hold an entire conversation over dinner while beginning every sentence with a word that begins with the first letter of their first name. For example, Debbie must try to begin every sentence with a word that starts with the letter ‘D’ … Do you understand what I mean? Did you try it yet? Don’t knock it till you try it. Difficult, huh?
Benefit: Nurtures creativity and independent thinking skills while engaging the brain in a 'working' mode.

Teens/Young Adults:
• This one might take a little homework on your part; however, like most activities involving our kids, the older they are, the more involved it typically becomes. Focus on something that your child is really into … music, reading, sports, etc. Research the newest/latest happenings which revolve around that particular subject and start asking them questions about it. For instance, if your kid loves baseball, identify his/her favorite players, ask them to recite their stats (RBI’s, ERA’s, number of home-runs) for the current season; if they are not a rookie, how do their current stats measure up to last season? What is their team’s current record; wins, losses, ties, and placement in the league. Quiz them on these stats. Same for music; pick a favorite singer or band, and their newest album; name all the songs on the CD; which were hits? Do they know their placement on the charts?
Benefit: Gently wakes up the sleepy-summer brain, and gets your kid thinking again.

These might seem like rather ‘mindless’ exercises; however, the goal is to get creative juices flowing to encourage their own individual learning styles. There is no better way to do that than to appeal to them with something that lights up their eyes, and to do so in a comfortable environment. Remember, you’ve got to keep their head in the game, or it won’t do any good.

Although there are many benefits to each of the examples above, the byproduct is that you will be spending top-quality time with your child. Keep in mind that free creative playtime is a great way to learn what is in your kid’s head and heart, no matter how old they are! ... BONUS!

Gotta run now, I think I just heard the class bell!
;-Debbie

Mom's 5 Year Old Loves to be Outside...

Today's post comes from one of my radio interview listeners~

Question:
"I'm a stay at home mom with a 5 year old who loves to be outside. After a few hours, I'm tired and want to come inside; he cries and throws a fit. Help!"

Response:
As with most of my responses, I feel it's important to try and discover the reason for the fit; then it's typically easier to find the fix. In this case, we are thinking that this mom's son is having too much fun playing outside, and he equates going inside to putting the brakes on the fun.

With that said, perhaps it would work if, before going outside to play, Mom does a little pre-planning ...

Since we are talking about a five year old, we will use the outdoor activity of digging in the dirt as an example; however, you will be able to restructure this around many playtime activities. Before going outside, explain to your child that you are going to play together, and that you are going to plant some veggies or herbs or whatever ...

In advance, set up a play station (notice there are no title caps there!) inside by covering a table with newspapers, and arranging clay pots or plastic containers from last night's take-out. Then, head outside with some plastic containers and digging equipment. Remember to have fun with this ... and make it last for as long as possible. Look for worms, bugs, whatever ... and remember, it's OK to be grossed out by them, Mom!

Then, carry the fun (bug-free dirt, seeds, or small plants and roots) into the house. Now you can spend as much time as possible inside ... but still playing and having fun together. This will accomplish several things; my three favorites for this scenario are:

1. Distracting from the fact that you are coming inside,
2. Slyly demonstrating an indoor/outdoor connection, and
3. Teaching by turning this into a 'disguised' lesson in agriculture!

Later, as you watch your plants grow, you can build in nutritional lessons. And even later, cooking lessons as you use your homegrown ingredients!

Hint: if you are like me, and don't have a very green thumb, herbs are a great option ... especially hearty ones that grow under almost anyone's care :). I loved to do this with mint which grows like the weeds most people try to get rid of! We experimented with fresh-squeezed lemonade, fresh-brewed iced tea, and even cooked dishes!

Have fun with this, and please let me know how you spin this to work for you!

Meanwhile, happy digging~
;-D

Is Your Antenna Up? ... What is Your Parenting Style?

(OK, for those of you who don't recognize the image here ... they were called 'rabbit ears' back in the 'dark ages!' ... I will now choose to ignore the fact that I just dated myself, and will start right in to my article ...)



I don't know about you, but I believe that we have a tendency to make the simplest things in life so darn difficult! Parenting is one of those things ... and, well, perhaps it is at the top of my list because I am a Parenting Coach; however, it does seem to be a very common issue. With that said, I think it is important for us to acknowledge that we are all just doing the best that we can. And, for those of you who are looking for ways to improve that, kudos! Your antenna is up, and you are tuned in ... so, what exactly are you supposed to be listening for?

If you are like me, 'information overload' does one main thing ... it shuts me down. Once my brain gets over stimulated, it seems like there is no returning to rational thinking. As a result, I like to break things down into a simple formula, with a clear goal at the end.

Perhaps our goal here should be to merely get to know the different types of parenting, and try to fit yourself into one of those categories. Once you do so, you can then decide if that is where you want to be; if not, you can see what you might want to do differently in order to get the results you'd like to see in your child.

That might sound simple enough until you begin researching ... Well, I've done a little of that, and simplified it so that I could apply it to real life instead of the clinical studies. Here's what I've come up with:

While psychologists have designated three main types of parenting (Authoritarian, Permissive and Authoritative) in real life, we see that some parents are a combination of 2 or all 3, given the circumstances. Sometimes, you will have different methods between parents under the same roof, or with a split family.

This morning, during a radio interview, the show's host asked me the difference between Authoritative Parenting and Positive Parenting. I thought this would be a good time to lay this one out for a quick read. By definition, Authoritative Parenting is basically a form of Positive Parenting.

It is not my goal to debate parenting skills here. Again, instead, I am merely outlining the information, and giving you pause for thought.

Of the three types of parenting styles, the Authoritarian parent typically enforces strict rules with no input from children, their emphasis is primarily on bad as opposed to good behavior, and punishment is usually severe. Children rarely receive rave reviews for good behavior and may tend to have low self-esteem or may turn out to be very aggressive later in life.

Permissive Parenting is where parents let children have free rein; rules made are not consistently adhered to, and the parent gives freedom to the child without proper guidelines on what is right or wrong. As a result, children may find it difficult to follow rules in a different environment like school.

Authoritative Parenting is where the parents set rules and involve their children in making those rules. They reinforce good behavior (rewarding it), while correcting in a positive vs. focusing on repercussions of bad behavior. They monitor their child’s behavior closely, finding opportunities to "catch" good behavior as often as possible, and they communicate in a clear manner what is expected from the child so they understand the difference between good and bad behavior.

Again, Authoritative Parenting is really just a good example of positive parenting. With this approach, children tend to grow up with appropriate behavior ingrained in them, which helps enable them to fit in most environments and perform well in whatever they undertake. They also demonstrate traits like honesty, respect, and integrity, and are less likely to break rules. Benefits of positive parenting are clearly important in molding children to live up to their full potential and become worthy members of society. These are characteristics of a child with high self-esteem.

As a Certified Self-Esteem and Parenting Coach, I can go on and on about the benefits of raising a child with high self-esteem; however, the purpose of this article was merely an opportunity to get your wheels spinning and raise your antenna a little more. Once you are able to tune in to what is going on around you, and examine how you are reacting, you can choose whether or not adjustments are needed to help ensure that you will get the results you are hoping for.

When you are satisfied with those results, you've got a happy child, and well ... that makes for a happy parent!

Here's to happy parenting~

;-Debbie

Mom/Dad ... Can we Talk?

What do you do when your child tells you something that stops you in your tracks? Whatever it is, perhaps it's a deep, dark secret that you never expected; perhaps it's a lifelong dream that you would never have guessed; perhaps it's _________________. Fill in that blank with whatever it could be that you just did not see coming.

What do you do? Well, I hope that first, you hug your child, let them know that you LOVE them, and then thank them for telling you. That's big, don't you think? Sometimes we allow ourselves to get hijacked by shock, fear, drama ... when what we really should do is look at the real, simple, raw truth first: Your child trusted you enough and had the hutzpah to come to you with his/her issues. Second, and I'm going out on a limb here, but ... whatever the issue is, I'm guessing that it did not change your love for him/her. Please say that out loud to your child.

Then you can begin laying whatever groundwork is needed to deal with whatever issues surround the circumstance at hand because only then are you doing it openly and knowingly with unconditional love and acceptance. Although you might not understand, and perhaps you don't fully accept whatever 'it' is, you have at least accepted the message at this point, and sometimes that is all that is needed ... for now.

Like anything else, you will navigate through this one step at a time. Seek professional help if/when needed, but please, oh please, never lose sight of the fact that you LOVE this child ... and please, oh please ... don't let them lose sight of that fact, either!

If your child has not opened up to you, yet you suspect there is something they are trying to broach, perhaps you can just periodically mention that you sense something 'in the air' and want him/her to know that you are there when they are ready to talk. Although it might take a while, at least they know that you are 'in tune' and open for reception.

Even when they feel that they are ready to share, they might have difficulty beginning; it might help if you simply put your hands on their shoulders and tell them to just say the first word, and the rest will flow. Now, listen ... really listen ... with an open heart. Don't be shy about asking questions ... just be aware of how a barrage of questions might make them feel. Respect is a huge component to open lines of communication. You've got to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em.

If you are an avid reader of my posts and articles, you know my 3 steps to open communication:
-Levity
-Brevity
-Common, everyday chit-chat

Try to keep it light, short, and not so oppressive. Who wants to 'open up' to a long, dark 'talk?' It's the common, everyday chit-chat that breeds comfort and continued communication. That's the space where the best relationships are formed.

With that said, perhaps you can let your child know that you have a ton of questions swirling around in your head, but you don't want to deluge him/her. Suggest that you select three questions each week to ask so that this is not the only thing you talk about with him/her. This will help you home-in on what is important to you, and it will help ensure that your relationship remains solid. The foundation of your relationship was built upon a lifetime of experiences, and I'm guessing that you don't want this newly discovered circumstance to become the focal point of your relationship from this point forward.

You may have to remind yourself to continue to nurture all elements of your relationship as you always have. Put effort into doing what you have always done with your child; don't make this situation all there is to your time together, and try not to bring your questions and comments into every conversation. It is important not to lose the connection you already have while building a connection to work through a new situation.

And, whatever else you do, please remember to continue to build your child's self-esteem. This will help ensure that s/he has the tools to navigate through life successfully, and with velocity! There is no better time than now to work on that!

As always, feel free to email me (harmonypublications@hotmail.com) if I can be of further help to you.

Until next time, here's to just loving our kids~

;-Debbie

Teaching Children That Kindness Works ...

It's not OK to accept anything less from others. Our children deserve to be treated with kindness; however, we know that we can't control what others do ... we can only teach our children how to behave.

With that said, when our children are fully aware of the concept of living with kindness, chances are that they will not accept anything less. And, when they possess high self-worth combined with high self-esteem, they are armed with the right tools to help them navigate through their world when not-so-kind people and situations present themselves.

And how about the 'be cool.be kind' campaign in the photo above? That truly is cool!

One of my favorite quotes is, "To know is to understand." When we take the time to 'know' and understand why someone might act a certain way, we come at the situation from a more empathetic angle, and are more apt to be resolution oriented.

In my recent article for Best Ever You magazine, I delve into some important steps we can take to help build those qualities in our children. Click here to read the article in which I interview Dr. Joe Rubino, highly respected Founder of CenterForPersonalReinvention.com and Creator of TheSelfEsteemBook.com and HighSelfEsteemKIds.com

I believe you that once you are in the 'know' you will understand how to help your child become resistant and resilient to the not-so-kinders of the world.

Wishing you a peaceful and kind day,
;-Debbie

On The Road ...

But wanted to pass along this fabulous info about the importance of self-esteem in our children.

When I return home, I'll be prepping to head back on the road again, this time my youngest will be joining me for some fabulous one-on-one time on a working vacation. We're headed to Chautauqua Institution ~ on beautiful and peaceful Chautauqua Lake ~ in upstate NY where I will be teaching again this summer.

I hope to see you somewhere in one of my workshops or at one of my book signings during my travels~

Until then, remember ... "It's never wrong to write!"
;-Deb

Tsunami Effect on Our Children

Do you find yourself looking at things with more intensity after watching the devastation in Japan following the Tsunami? It truly leaves me filled with my own earthquake of emotions to process. Can we ever really know the feelings of those who survived? Is there a way we can help, I mean REALLY get in there and help, while still maintaining our lives and taking care of our own businesses and families? And the unthinkable question of how we would feel if such an atrocity hit closer to home.

As a writer, many words come to my mind in times like these; however, the one I find myself repeating is, 'unimaginable.' That just about sums it up for me; however, it is so very real to our brothers and sisters in a far-away land. If nothing else, such horror does bring us a little closer, and although that is a good thing, it gives pause to the question, "Why does it take something so horrific to bring people closer together?"

With that said ~ or asked ~ today's blog post delivers ways for us to get a little closer now. Since I primarily deal with families, parents and children, I focus here on ways to help the kids in your life deal with their emotions after something so devastating.

Let's face it, the media is great at supplying immediate ~ and very graphic ~ details of current events. If we adults are left with a barrage of questions after watching the news unfold, what must our children be thinking and feeling? And better yet, how on earth do we broach the subject and get our children talking openly about their feelings?

Well, below is a quick laser tip that might help you find out how a child in your life feels about this latest tsunami. You might find that your child has processed things well enough already. You might learn that your child is a little stressed about things, and you now have tools to help them process their lingering emotions. Or, it might be evident that it's best to get your child to a professional who can help at a deeper level.

Some might also find that their child has a real interest in helping the survivors, and this is a great time to put together a plan that you can do together ... whether it's collecting clothes to send over, or you matching their allowance money to donate, or, or, or ... the possibilities are endless. The beauty is that you now know, and you now have tools with which to build greater character in your child.

LASER TIP:
• In a casual and familiar atmosphere (when you typically spend quality time with your child) begin an acrostic word exercise by writing the word tsunami vertically on a piece of paper ~ as shown in the example below. Then, also as shown below, ask your child to write (or if too young to write, ask them to say out loud and you write) a word or two that begins with each letter of the word:
o Terrifying
o Scared
o Unsure
o Not safe
o Awful
o Many died
o I’m worried

• Now, ask them to elaborate on that word by turning it into a sentence. You can ask them to explain what, in particular, is terrifying about the tsunami. Then work down the rest of the letters in the word:
o Terrifying waves and water everywhere.
o Scared that it could happen to us.
o Unsure of what happens to children who can’t find their parents.
o Not safe to stay in their home anymore.
o Awful to think about it happening again.
o Many died and many kids lost their parents.
o I’m worried that we might not be safe.

• At this point, you should have plenty of information about what your child is thinking and feeling. You can begin dialogue by going through each line and discussing things that might help ease their mind. If your child wants to do something to help, put together a plan together ... this is quality time at its very BEST!

Finally, if you see a pattern which indicates that it might be necessary to seek professional help, do so quickly, and make certain to bring along your acrostic word exercise. This is a great tool to help the therapist/counselor help your child more effectively.

It is my hope that this simple activity will prove to be a way for you to get inside your child's head and heart. Once we know what they are thinking, we are better equipped to help them if needed. I also like to pass along other websites and tools that I come across which I think might be helpful ... and so click here for another helpful article you might want to read.

As always, feel free to leave a comment here, or email me at harmonypublications@hotmail.com if you have a question, something to share, or a topic you'd like me to address here.

;-Deb
"It's never wrong to write!"

Get the Heck out of the Way!

As adults, we truly do try our best to help our kids move down the 'right' path, yes?

Well, I've got great news for you ~ sometimes we don't have to try so stinkin' hard!

That's right, I'm giving you permission to NOT work so hard at it!

Sometimes, the best thing we can possibly do for our kids is to get the heck out of their way!

Watch this short (about a minute and a half) video to see what I mean:

"Child's Creativity"

Now, relax and go color something YOUR way!

;-D

BACK SO SOON? :)

Yeah, I remember my first blog in which I said something about 'blogging on a regular basis.' Oh, boy ... did I set myself up! BUT ... yep, I've got a big ol' but ...

But, I've been busy feeling my way around a new arena. Please don't think I've been slacking off since that first post. To the contrary, (I will brag for only a moment, promise!) I hit Best Seller status over the '09 holiday season, and just last week my book made it to the White House! I've traveled to some incredible places and met the most awesome people, and I'm finding that my journey has only just begun! With that said, I believe I've finally realized that there will be no perfect time to commit to writing more regularly in my blog, and so I am diving back in today!

Since this Sunday is Mother's Day, 2010 ... I'm posting an article I wrote for the occasion. I hope you enjoy the read, and that my ideas and tips bring Mothers and Daughters around the globe a little closer.


What do you want for Mother’s Day?

Photo: My Mother’s Daughter

by Jennifer Artman

By Debbie Mancini-Wilson
Best-Selling Author
Family Creativity Expert
www.colormyworld.info/


Wouldn’t a glimpse into daughter’s heart be the best gift ever? Especially if it was willingly delivered to you, personally and exclusively mapped out by your daughter? I’ll bet right about now, there’s a bubble over your head with a great big, ‘Yeahbut’ in it. ‘Yeah, but how do I get that?’ ‘Yeah, but how do I even ask for that?’ ‘Yeah, but is it even possible?’

I’ll answer the last question first; it’s not only possible, chances are great that your daughter WANTS to give it to you! And, if you think you’ve got a big ol’ ‘Yeahbut’ rest assured that your daughter’s is even bigger! ‘Yeah, but I’m not sure my Mom wants to know what I’m thinking!’ ‘Yeah, but I don’t know how to do that!’ ‘Yeah, but I don’t know where to begin!’

Your first question (‘Yeah, but how do I get that?‘) is the easiest to answer. Just ask! OK, stop laughing, I’m serious here! You really should be paying attention:

The BIG ‘Yeah, but’ in the middle … ‘How do I even ask for that?’ is tricky, but the answer might just surprise you because you don’t really have to ask for it. You just simply lead her to it in a fun way.

I’m all about creativity … especially when it leads to warm-n-fuzzy moments that end up being lifetime memories!

With that said, let’s get creative and lead your daughter right into our perfect little plan! It’s totally acceptable to rub your hands together (mad scientist style) right about now.

“Crazy, am I? We'll see whether I'm crazy or not.” (Dr. Frankenstein)

Shall we begin? …

One of the easiest ways to get this party going is to offer to do this, too. In other words, you are not only asking your daughter to do this for you, you are doing it for her and swapping with each other on Mother’s Day. Below is an outline of how to write a special recipe … don‘t worry, there is no cooking involved.

First, prepare an outline similar to a recipe card and ask your daughter to fill it out as if she were giving someone who had never met her a recipe teaching them how to get to know a particular side of her inner-most self. You can repeat this fun exercise many different times, each time asking for a recipe to make a different ‘dish.’ And, of course, you will insert your name and your daughter’s name in place of ‘Debbie’ and ‘Shannon’ in the examples below.

Some ideas are: ‘The Debbie Dish’ that co-workers ask for when they need help with a project, or ‘The Debbie Dish’ that your charity of choice asks for when they are trying to raise funds, or ‘The Shannon Dish’ in the example below.

Example:

List of items in Shannon’s personal pantry: (Key ingredients that make Shannon the person she is today) Note: you might want to ask some friends or family members for words that describe you.

love
creativity
sincerity
honesty
faith
sense of humor
plain old silliness
family
friends
charity work
career
passions/hobbies
animals
kindness
understanding
compassion

Now design a recipe for a special ’Shannon Dish’ … This is a recipe to make: The ‘Shannon Dish’ friends ask for when they are in a dilemma.

List of ingredients pulled from Shannon’s personal pantry (in order of importance):
20%-compassion
20%-understanding
20%-sincerity
10%-kindness
10%-love
5%-faith
5%-creativity
5%-honesty
5%-sense of humor
Note: the ingredients total 100%

Instructions to make this ‘Shannon Dish’:

In a large bowl:
-Listen with 20% compassion because usually they just need to know that someone cares
-Add 20% understanding into the conversation, even if I don’t completely understand their point of view, I try to imagine their pain
-Even though I’m 100% sincere, mix 20% sincerity into my attitude when speaking; too much at this point might be mistaken for ‘sugary-sweet-shut-her-up-detachment’

In a small bowl:
-Try not to use too much kindness; limit it to 10% to give a fair opinion (not just jump on my friend’s bandwagon because she’s my friend) but still be kind
-Temper the 10% love with the kindness to keep a fair opinion
-Then add the remaining 4 ingredients
Faith is always needed
Creativity will help when you must toe the line between compassion and fairness
Honesty is a must; however, this smaller dose might be best to keep from hurting her feelings (can adjust accordingly with sense of humor to make up total combined 10%)
Always keep at least a small amount of the sense of humor (can adjust accordingly with honesty to make up total combined 10%)

Stir contents of small bowl in with the large bowl.

Once all ingredients are combined, mix them together with the friend’s emotions and allow to gently simmer for as long as the friend needs.

Then, remove from the heat of the moment, and allow to cool until set.

Now, Mom … this is a great way to get to know a lot about your daughter and her perception of herself as a friend, student (ask for a recipe that she’d give to her teacher), or even as a daughter (ask for a recipe for you). It is also a chance for you to open up and reveal a precious side of yourself to your daughter. I believe that she will feel honored, special and touched to know a deeper part of you.

And I bet I know how you will feel. You’re probably already feeling giddy with excitement because this will just about guarantee access to a part of your daughter’s soul that you might not even know existed. The bonus is that since she will be writing her own thoughts at her own pace, she will most likely be more open and free with her information.

There’s no better way to get something we want from someone than to make them feel like it’s their idea and that they are giving it to us on their terms. And hey, let’s face it, there’s something thrilling about pulling off a sneaky caper … Now, enjoy your Mother’s Day, you’re going to be awfully busy once the Oceans 11 casting crew hears about you!